Padfoot goes to the pound
by Moore12
Summary: In this fan-fic, Padfoot goes to the pound. It's as simple as that...or is it? Since Sirius is an underage wizard at this point, how will he possibly escape? If you like humor, you might like this!


_For all those people who voted that I should write a fan-fic about Sirius… It's a JOKE (meant to be for fun and totally not serious), but I thought it'd be enjoyable. I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER (I wouldn't be making fun of it if I did, would I?) I'm tired of only writing serious stuff… As always, R&R please! And, please, no flames—I know it's really stupid but that's how it's supposed to be. ~Moore12~ _

**Padfoot goes to the pound…**

If Sirius wasn't underage, he would have blasted that stupid, arrogant Muggle all the way back to the Stone Age. Really, he would have—all it would have taken was a flick of his wand and a decent memory charm. But he wasn't about to chance getting thrown out of Hogwarts for this. No, he'd find another way to get out of the mess he had gotten himself in to.

Growling at the man who had managed to slip the looped cable leash around his neck by cornering him in an alley—the coward, he thought bitterly—he let him lead him to the truck without trying to make a break for it.

Yes, he knew he should have known better. But it was the only way he could escape Number 12, Grimmauld Place—which, as far as he was concerned, deserved its name—so he took it. He just wasn't expecting for a stupid, arrogant Muggle to dognap him. That wasn't part of the plan.

The plan was, admittedly, ingenious. Sirius really outdid himself when it came to this one because it was both quite simple and brilliant. All he had to do to get to the Potter's house without being noticed by any wizards who would tell his awful (and rather gossipy) mother was walk there…as a dog! Going in dog form eliminated his one and only problem—having his mother attack him and drag him back kicking and screaming (not that that made any sense, she absolutely hated him, but he figured she wanted him around to make sure that the pure-bloodness of their line continued).

Except, he forgot to take into account one tiny little problem…Muggles had something called "dogcatchers." He had heard about it from Lily once, and he thought it was daft for people to make a living rounding up stray dogs (because, after all, what if the dog was really a wizard in disguise?) but he figured that it wouldn't matter. No dogcatcher was going to dare cross the amazing, powerful Sirius Black!

Well, they did. And that was why he found himself sitting in a metal kennel in the back of a van. Sirius couldn't help but growl when he remembered how that Muggle, some big stupid load who seemed to think that catching a dog constituted being elected president or something actually important, called him a "stupid animal" and a "mangy mutt." When I get out of here, I'm going to teach him a lesson he's never going to forget, he thought, the anger beginning to boil within him. He won't think he's such a smart, talented bloke for much longer…

He was torn from his thoughts when the van screeched to a stop, causing him to be thrown into the back of the kennel. Ouch, he thought, as he rubbed his head with one paw. That hurt. The next thing he knew, he was being pulled out of the kennel by the load who yelled at him, "Come on, ye mangy mutt."

Suppressing a growl, he followed the dogcatcher, still plotting how best to get away from him. If he had really thought about it, he would have decided that it would be best just to transform before the Muggle's eyes and wipe his memory clean with a memory charm even though it was illegal because, unfortunately, he was underage. But he wasn't about to have that—no, he had gotten himself into this mess, and he was going to figure out how to get himself out of it without having to use magic. Sirius didn't need magic, after all. He was smart enough to outsmart these stupid blokes!

But he had a problem. How was he, as a dog, supposed to get out of the pound? It just didn't happen, he knew. Well, Padfoot, this is going to take even more than just your amazing good looks and wizardly skill, he thought to himself as he was shoved into a pen, and the gate was slammed behind him.

Turning around—just preparing to really figure out how to escape this dump—he realized that something was wrong. "What do you think you're doing?" Sirius barked angrily as he swerved around and bit the dog that just had his nose practically up his butt on the muzzle. "You will not touch me there, do I make myself clear!"

The dog, an unfortunate looking, tiny little Chihuahua, looked up at him with his big brown eyes and whined, "But that's what we dogs do!"

"Right, you dogs do that. But, seeing as how I'm not a dog, I don't. Understand?" he growled, perfectly aware that he was barking up a storm and all the dogs in all the pens around his were staring at him. He didn't care that he must seem barking mad—largely because he was speaking, well, barking the truth—he just wanted them to leave him alone.

"But if you're not a dog, how come you look like one?" A dog that could be called a "mangy mutt" for certain came bounding up to him.

"And how come you smell like one?" the Chihuahua asked after sniffing his butt again before he could push him away.

If Sirius could have groaned, he would have. He had never been so frustrated in his life. Growling at the other dogs, he answered, "I'm not a dog! I'm a human who can happen to turn into a dog? Understand?"

"Humans don't turn into dogs! That's impossible!" the mangy mutt howled, and, if dogs could laugh, he would have been laughing hysterically. "Hey, Brute, where'd they find this one?"

The Chihuahua—it doesn't look like a "Brute to me?" he had to think, laughing to himself—answered, "I don't know, Mick. Maybe they've tested perfume on him or something... No, they probably got him at the circus!"

Realizing what he had to do, Sirius snapped, "Yeah, I'm from the circus, alright?" When both dogs started howling at him like what he had said was hysterically funny—which, it wasn't, he was certain—he snarled at them menacingly to try to get their attention.

Only, it didn't get their attention. Brute squealed like one of the girls who used to follow him around, trying to slip him tainted chocolates filled with love potion, and hid behind Mick. Both dogs were shaking. "Mick, I think he's rabid! That's why he's crazy!"

"Of course they put the crazy, rabid one in our pen!" Mick whimpered as he started slowly backing away from Sirius, clearly terrified of him.

Maybe it was because he was incredibly frustrated, maybe it was because he, for some reason, didn't want to be labeled as "the crazy, rabid one" but he suddenly just transformed out of his dog form. Luckily for him, there were no dogcatchers or volunteers nearby when he did, or he would have been kicked out of Hogwarts, no questions asked (even though, he was sure, everyone would have a lot of questions about this one). The two dogs that were sharing the pen with him were yapping uncontrollably now, and he ordered, "Quiet" which shut them up immediately.

Even after he opened the door to the pen—since he had his wonderful opposable thumbs yet again—he knew he had a bit of a problem…

For some reason, he was butt naked. He, Sirius Black, for a reason he couldn't understand, was naked. But I was…I was wearing clothes when I left, he thought desperately, looking for a towel to wrap around him or something. What in Merlin's name is going on?

When the door leading to the pen flew open, he knew he was done for. Grabbing the first towel he found, which was unfortunately enough for him, covered in yellow stains of the obvious origin, he greeted the dogcatcher who had caught him before he could say a word, "I'm looking to get a dog…"

The load stared at him like he was insane. Finally—after a prolonged moment of incredibly awkward silence—he stuttered, "But you're naked!"

Making himself laugh, he exclaimed, "I'm a nudist, mate! You're lucky I put this towel around me when I heard you coming!"

Needless to say, Sirius was arrested for public nudity. Luckily for him, with his one phone call, he managed to get a hold of Lily, who he told to tell James what exactly had happened to him. About two awkward hours later where he just sat in a holding cell—with all the other criminals just staring at him like he was crazy, all unwilling to go near him—James arrived with enough money to make bail.

"Wow, Padfoot, what in Merlin's name were you thinking?" James couldn't help but laugh after they released him.

"When we get to your place, you and I are going to make an unbreakable vow to never speak of this again," Sirius sighed as they walked away.

"That doesn't mean we can't talk about it now!" James howled, unable to control himself.

Sirius knew then that he would never live down his day at the pound…

* * *

_Stupid? Yes… Funny? Maybe… Please review, and please no flames. I know it's stupid. I don't need to be told…~Moore12~ _


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